Erik the Viking

Screenplay by       Terry Jones

Produced by       John Goldstone

Directed by       Terry Jones

Cast List:

Tim Robbins      Erik

Mickey Rooney      Erik's Grandfather

Eartha Kill     Freya

Terry Jones     King Arnulf

Imogen Stubbs      Princess Aud

John Cleese      Halfdan the Black

Tsutomu Sekine      Slavemaster

BLACKNESS

Flames begin to lick upwards from the bottom of the screen. Suddenly all hell breaks loose. Screaming, yelling. Black figures flash across the foreground, with the flames still burning behind. There follows a confusion of burning, raping, killing and looting – we don't clearly see what's going on.

Suddenly we cut to the interior of a hut. The door is in the process of being broken down. The camera pans onto the close-up face of an attractive girl who is staring in horrified fascination at the door. Her arms are white with fresh dough and flour.

Suddenly the door bursts open and a wild-looking Viking leaps into the hut. He holds a sword. He looks around wildly and then his eyes come to rest on the girl.

This Viking, I'm afraid, is Erik. We are about to see him in the worst possible light so be prepared. The girl, whose name is Helga, cowers, and looks terrified but resolute.

Erik glances round.

Then slowly he advances on the girl, forcing her back onto a chest. Erik holds his sword to Helga's throat with his right hand, while his left hand searches to find the thongs holding up his trousers.

He is clearly having difficulties trying to hold his heavy sword to Helga's throat at he same time as undoing his trousers. He fumbles and lowers his sword for a moment.

HELGA

Have you done this sort of thing before?

ERIK

Me? Of course! I've been looting and pillaging up and down the coast.

HELGA

(looking skeptical)

Looting and pillaging, eh?

ERIK

(on the defensive)

Yes.

HELGA

What about the raping?

ERIK

Shut up.

HELGA

It's obvious you haven't raped anyone in your life.

ERIK

Sh!

He covers her mouth with his free hand, and looks round to make sure no one's heard. Then he carries on trying to undo his trousers, but he is now somewhat more than half-hearted about it. Helga watches suspiciously.

HELGA

Do you LIKE women?

Erik is clearly shocked and stung by the insinuation. He stops.

ERIK

Of course I like women... I LOVE 'em.

HELGA

(pointing out the obvious)

You don't love ME.

ERIK

No... right... this is RAPE... Mark you, I'm not saying I couldn't get to like you... in fact... well, to be quite honest, I prefer it when there's some sort of mutual feeling between two people...

HELGA

What – rape?

ERIK

No. It isn't rape then, is it?

HELGA

Oh, get it over with.

ERIK

(hesitates again)

I don't suppose... no...

HELGA

What?

ERIK

I don't suppose you... you DO like me at all?

HELGA

What d'you expect? You come in here, burn my village, kill my family and try to rape me...

This is too much for Erik. We withers under the irony.

ERIK

I'll kill you if you say anything about this to anyone.

HELGA

(puzzled)

About raping me?

ERIK

About NOT raping you...

HELGA

You DON'T like it, do you?

ERIK

Well it just seems a little bit crude, that's all.

HELGA

What about the killing and looting? That's just as crude, isn't it?

ERIK

Oh well – you've GOT to do them.

HELGA

Why? Why have you got to go round killing and looting?

ERIK

To pay for the next expedition, of course.

HELGA

But that's a circular argument! If the only reason for going on an expedition is the killing and looting and the only reason for the killing and looting is to pay for the next expedition, they cancel each other out.

ERIK

Oh! Stop talking as if we were married!

HELGA

Well you started it.

ERIK

I just said I didn't feel like raping you.

HELGA

And I was just saying that rape is no MORE pointless or crude than all the killing and looting that goes on.

Erik vents of his frustration on the already shattered door.

ERIK

Scream.

HELGA

Ah.

ERIK

Louder.

HELGA

Aaagh! Rape!

ERIK

(he'd forgotten about that)

Oh, thanks

Two more Vikings burst in with eyes blazing. They have the very unfortunate names of Ernest and Jennifer, but it doesn't really matter, for reasons which will become obvious very quickly. They are also slightly drunk.

ERNEST

Rape?

JENNIFER

Where?

Jennifer the Viking sways and leans against a door post. The marauder's eyes come to rest on Erik and Helga who are standing, fully clothed, about six feet apart. They look slightly puzzled.

HELGA

He raped me standing up.

There is a pause. Erik looks up at Helga. Why has she saved his face by telling this lie? Jennifer the Viking turns to Erik.

JENNIFER

You finished, then?

ERIK

Oh... yes... I suppose so...

ERNEST

Right! Me first!

JENNIFER

No! I asked!

Ernest leaps on top of Helga and pins her to the ground. Jennifer joins in. Erik looks stunned for a moment. Then he suddenly leaps to Helga's defense.

ERIK

Leave her alone!

He pulls Jennifer off, but Jennifer fights back. Erik forces Jennifer back until he falls into the kneading trough. They fight in the dough for some moments, until Erik runs Jennifer through. The dough is stained red, and the film is rid of such an inappropriately named Viking once and for all.

Erik then turns his attention on Ernest who is still on top of Helga. Without a moment's hesitation, Erik runs him through the back. Ernest screams. So does Helga. Erik turns white, and pulls out his sword. Ernest falls over into a heap with his co-misnomer, and Erik kneels beside Helga to find a bloodstain under her breast where he has inadvertently run her through. She is clearly not long for this world.

HELGA

Thanks for saving me from a fate worse than death.

ERIK

I didn't mean to!

HELGA

(gasping for breath)

Oh, that's all right then... it's the thought... that counts...

Erik cradles her head and tries helplessly to staunch the blood.

ERIK

You told them I raped you – why?

HELGA

(dying)

I dunno... you looked so... so vulnerable...

ERIK

Why should you care?

HELGA

(dying)

Why... should YOU care?

ERIK

Tell me your name?

Helga looks up at him, but dies in his arms, without ever saying her name.

ERIK

Tell me... what IS it...?

Erik realizes she has gone. He gazes at her for some time. He looks around at the two dead bodies beside them. Then he listens to the sound of raping and slaughter continuing on the outside. Screams and bloodthirsty shuts echo alongside the roar of flames and the cries of animals. The camera tracks into a big close-up on Erik.

SUPERIMPOSE THE TITLE: "ERIK THE VIKING"

SECOND TITLE: "TIM ROBBINS"

Mix through to wide shot of the burning village. Figures running here and there.

Superimpose the rest of the opening titles.

By the last of the opening titles the last of the flames are dying down.

Cut to a close-up of a very loud-looking Viking screaming into the camera, as he hurls an axe. This Viking's name is Thorfinn Skull-Splitter.

The axe thuds into the wall a few inches away from the face of a frightened girl, Unn, who is pinned to the wall with her braids spread out. The Vikings are hurling axes at her a la Kirk Douglas in "The Vikings".

Several Vikings sitting at ale-bench, laugh in a rather unpleasant way. Erik, however, frowns. He is sitting at a table on a dais, next to his grandfather, the chief of the village. His grandfather almost chokes with merriment. Erik's mother glances at him with some hostility. Meanwhile the drunken Thorfinn has just lifted the totally legless Ivar the Boneless up off the floor and presses an axe into his hand. A tremor of nervousness ripples round the females in the Mead Hall. Ivar is clearly in no condition to throw anything, except, perhaps, the contents of his stomach. Unn winces.

Finally, amidst much giggling, Ivar throws wildly, and the axe smashes into a jug being carried by one of the serving girls. The menfolk erupt into drunken hysterics at this. The women clearly feel that the occasion is getting out of hand. But before any of them can work up enough courage to intervene, Thorfinn Skull-Splitter has thrust an axe into the hands of the even more plastered Sven the Berserk. Now Sven is not the Viking to let a little matter like not being able to see straight stop him heaving the axe at a young maiden. He takes the axe and whirls it wildly over his head. Even the other drunken Vikings realize this could be dangerous, and they cower behind the table. Sven lets go of the axe. Unn shuts her eyes prepared for the worst. There is a dull thud and a grunt and then a whoop of mirth. Unn opens her eyes to find that the axe has come to rest in the back of a totally stupefied Viking who merely slumps forward onto the table he is sitting at. On the opposite side sits Harald Missionary, a rather seedy cleric who has long since given up trying to convert the pagans and found solace in their mead. He thinks about intervening, but decides that it's a bit late really and that he might as well finish off his ale-cup instead. Grimhild Housewife (his only admirer) refills it for him.

At this moment, however, the axe-throwers have run out of axes, so, as they go to retrieve the ones they've thrown, Harald Missionary salves his conscience by lurching across to the unfortunate Unn. He pokes his dog-eared bible under her nose.

HARALD

If you were thinking of converting, my dear, this would be an...

IDEAL

Opportunity...

UNN

Not now!

HARALD

(who is used to rebuffs)

No, of course not...

(he hesitates)

You might not get another chance, you know...

UNN

Go away.

At this moment another axe thuds into the wall, speeding up Harald's desire to get back to the ale-bench.

HARALD

Yes, of course... I'll pray for you anyway, my dear...

Suddenly an axe shatters a large earthware vessel.

HARALD

Yes.. That's what I'll do...

Harald scuttles back to the ale-bench as fast as he can.

Erik meanwhile, stares in astonishment as, for a fleeting moment, he sees Helga, the girl he accidentally killed, standing there with her braids spread out in place of Unn. He shakes his head and the vision passes.

In the meantime, however, Ivar's mum (perhaps the toughest lady in the village) has decided that enough is enough.

IVAR'S MUM

Let her go!

THORFINN

Why?

VIKINGS

Yes, why?

SVEN THE BERSERK

Why should we let her go?

THORFINN

We haven't hit a single braid yet!

The Vikings all guffaw.

Ivar's mum has had enough. She throws the contents of a jug of ale over Thorfinn. He is shocked, but after the first shock he grins evilly, because now he's been given carte blanche to do the thing he enjoys doing most. Without another thought he throws a vicious right hook at Ivar's mum and lays her out cold.

Erik reacts with disgust.

His granddad, however, gives a whoop of glee.

GRANDAD

Whoah! Heee! That showed her!

Meanwhile a little shriveled old man is jumping up and down.

INGEMUND THE OLD

Hey! He hit my wife!

Ingemund starts to go for Thorfinn, but Thorhild beats him to it. She grabs one of the long-handled cooking griddles from the fires and swings it at Thorfinn.

Thorfinn, however, ducks, and the red-hot griddle hits Sven the Berserk, who is standing with his back to Thorfinn.

Sven screams and goes berserk, turning round and hitting Thorfinn who is now standing upright again.

INGEMUND THE OLD

Leave him alone.

Ingemund hits Sven. Thangbrand hits Ingemund and a general fight breaks out.

Erik's granddad clearly considers this the highlights of the evening, but Erik looks at it in disgust and at his granddad in despair. Eventually he gets up and walk out of the Mead Hall.

His granddad notices and frowns. He knows something's wrong with his grandson but hasn't a clue what it could be. Erik's mother frowns and nods to his granddad.

Grandad gets up and fights his way through the melee to follow Erik out of the Hall.

The snow lies thick over the village as Erik's grandfather joins his grandson beside the little quay. Erik is staring broodily into the night.

GRANDFATHER

What's the matter, son?

Erik doesn't reply. His grandfather glances back at the Mead Hall, whence the sound of the fight drift across the snow.

GRANDFATHER

We're missing all the fun...

ERIK

What's it all about?

GRANDFATHER

What?

ERIK

We toil and labor, we loot and pillage, rape and kill... and yet...

GRANDFATHER

You talking piffle, son?

ERIK

Where does it all get us, Grandpa?

GRANDFATHER

Who have you been talking to?

ERIK

I met this girl...

GRANDFATHER

It's always the women that start the trouble.

ERIK

She got me thinking...

GRANDFATHER

So? What'd you do to her?

Erik stops in his tracks – as if brought up short by the horror of what he has done.

ERIK

I... I... KILLED her...

GRANDFATHER

That's my boy!

Erik's grandfather gives him a paternal hug. Erik looks at him and thinks about the generation gap.

CUT TO:

feet running in the snow – DAY

ERIK

Freya!

Erik looks around him and calls out again.

ERIK

Freya!

Erik runs into the distance – a small figure against the dramatic wintry landscape.

CUT TO:

A remote, barren mountainside

Erik climbs up into shot, and continues climbing until he reaches a cave. He enters it. As his eyes get used to the dark he can make out a few signs of life: a cooking pot on a fire, a straw bed, a pile of rune-sticks.

ERIK

Freya? Freya?

There is a bundle of rags behind Erik. A head rises from it. This is Freya.

FREYA

Ah... Erik... Erik the "Viking"...

It is not clear whether her words are not a little mocking.

FREYA

Now what CAN you want with me, Erik the "Viking"?

ERIK

I shouldn't have come.

FREYA

They will make fun of you for listening to an old woman's stories?

Erik doesn't reply. Freya watches him craftily.

FREYA

Young men are only interested in fighting and killing.

Erik looks up at her sharply. It is as if she has read his mind.

ERIK

But has it always been like that, Freya? From the beginning of time?

Freya doesn't reply. Instead she walks to the mouth of the cave. Erik follows her. They look out at the grey, desolate landscape. Nothing but arctic wastes, snow and desolation. Above them the black clouds boil ceaselessly.

FREYA

What do you see, Erik?

ERIK

I see the world.

FREYA

I it night or day, Erik?

ERIK

It is day, of course, Freya.

FREYA

Is it summer or winter, Erik?

Erik looks round at the snowy wastes and ten back at Freya, puzzled.

ERIK

The winter is past, thank goodness, Freya. It is summer.

Freya puts her face close to Erik's and peers into his eyes.

FREYA

Have you ever seen the sun, Erik?

ERIK

The sun is up beyond the clouds – where it always is.

FREYA

But have you ever seen it? Think back...

ERIK

Of course not... but... when I was a child... I remember a dream.... it was as if the whole sky was blue...

FREYA

The sky WAS blue, Erik... once.

Erik looks at her.

FREYA

The Old Stories tell of an age that would come such as this – when Fenrir the Wolf would swallow the sun, and a Great Winter would settle upon the world. It was to be an axe age, a sword age, a storm age, when brother would turn against brother, and men would fight each other until the world would finally be destroyed.

Erik looks out across the bleak and gloomy landscape and the black, boiling clouds in the sky.

ERIK

(almost to himself)

Then... this is the Age of Ragnarok?

Freya turns to go back into the cave.

ERIK

Wait, Freya!

Erik re-enters the cave.

ERIK

Is there nothing men can do?

FREYA

The Gods are asleep, Erik.

ERIK

I will go and wake them up!

Freya turns and looks at him. She clearly enjoys his earnest enthusiasm, but is afraid he doesn't know what he is talking about.

ERIK

Tell me what I must do, Freya!

Freya thinks for some moments. The she speaks.

FREYA

Erik... Far out in the midst of the Western Ocean there is a land... men call it Hy-Brasil. There you will find a horn that is called Resounding. You must take the Horn Resounding, and three times you must blow it. The first note will take you to Asgaard. The second will awaken the Gods, and the third note will bring you home. But remember... once you are in the spell of the Horn, hatred will destroy you.

Erik turns to go and then hesitates.

ERIK

And will the dead ever return, Freya?

FREYA

That I cannot tell you.

CUT TO:

a big closeup of a head being banged on the ground

It is Thorfinn Skull-Splitter's. The person doing the banging is an enraged Sven the Berserk.

Suddenly Erik pushes his way through the crowd and separates them. There is general disgruntlement all round, and murmurs of: "Who does he think he is?"

ERIK'S GRANDAD

What are you doing, Erik? Thorfinn just said Sven's grandfather died of old age.

INGEMUND THE OLD

They must fight to the death.

THORFINN SKULL-SPLITTER

That's right! Sven must kill me.

OTHERS

Yes. Stay out of this. What's it to do with you?

Sven grids his teeth and struggles to get at Thorfinn, but Erik still keeps them apart.

ERIK

Aren't you afraid of death, Thorfinn Skull-Splitter?

Thorfinn shrugs.

THORFINN

Not death by the sword! It means I shall drink in Valhalla with the great warriors.

CUT TO:

Harald Missionary

Engaged in his usual business of chatting up any available female.

HARALD MISSIONARY

You don't still believe in all that Valhalla stuff, do you?

THORHILD THE FEMALE

Go away.

HARALD

Fine... right... just checking.

He moves off.

ERIK

And you, Sven, aren't you afraid of crossing the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard?

SVEN

I will join my grandfather there.

THORFINN

He's not in Valhalla! He died of old age!

SVEN

You liar!

They start trying to kill each other again, and crash through a fence into the pig-sty. Pigs squeal and run in all directions.

ERIK

Stop it!

OTHERS

Leave them alone! Keep out of it, Erik!

The others pull Erik away.

GRANDAD

There's only one way to settle it.

EVERYONE

Yes!

THORFINN

He MUST kill me!

EVERYONE

Yes! That's right!

Sven struggles again to oblige, and they both topple into the duck pond. Erik dives back to keep them apart.

ERIK

There is another way.

GRANDAD

Who gets killed?

ERIK

Nobody gets killed.

THORFINN

Oh, well...

He starts attacking Sven again. Erik decides there is only one way to make his point. He lets fly with his fists and lays both the antagonists out for a moment.

ERIK

But it will be dangerous. Maybe none of us will return.

SNORRI THE MISERABLE

Ah well, that's much more sensible than just Thorfinn getting killed. Shall we all go and pack now?

SVEN

What are you talking about, Erik?

ERIK

What if we could find Bi-Frost the Rainbow Bridge?

This causes a sensation amongst everyone watching, on the lines of "You can't do that" and so on. They scoff at Erik.

THORFINN

(in disbelief)

FIND the Rainbow Bridge?

ERIK

Find it... AND cross it!

Super-sensation amongst everyone – except for Harald Missionary who shakes his head sadly.

HARALD

Look! You can't find somewhere that doesn't exist.

GRANDAD

(to Harald)

Shut up!

Harald shrugs.

SVEN

Only the dead reach Asgaard, Erik.

ERIK

What's the matter? Are you afraid to try?

Thorfinn and Sven are put on the defensive.

THORFINN

Of course we're not afraid to try, but...

Erik rounds on Thorfinn, sensing he had the advantage.

ERIK

"But" what?

THORFINN

But...

ERIK

What?

Thorfinn's mental powers find it hard to articulate any proposition on such a vast metaphysical concept. Sven comes to his rescue.

SVEN

Nobody's ever crossed the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard.

ERIK

We'd be the first!

SNORRI

You mean we'd be dead?

ERIK

No! We'd be the first living men to set foot in the Halls of the Gods.

Pause. Uncomfortable shifting.

SVEN

But HOW?

ERIK

I don't know – but I'm not afraid to try.

THORFINN

Well I'M certainly not, either.

SVEN

Neither am I.

ERIK

Then you'll come.

HARALD

But there isn't such a place as... Look...

THORFINN & SVEN

Shut up!

ERIK

What d'you say?

SVEN

Well... I'm game.

THORFINN

Me too.

Erik grins. He has persuaded them against their will.

GRANDAD

Aren't you going to go on fighting?

SVEN & THORFINN

No.

OTHERS

Oh...

There is general disappointment all around.

IVAR THE BONELESS

Oh, go on...

GRANDAD

Just have a bit of a fight.

INGEMUND THE OLD