Four Rooms

Screenplay by       Allison Anders

          Alexandre Rockwell

          Robert Rodriguez

          Quentin Tarantino

Produced by       Lawrence Bender

Directed by       Allison Anders

          Alexandre Rockwell

          Robert Rodriguez

          Quentin Tarantino

Cast List:

Tim Roth      Ted the Bellhop

Madonna      Elspeth

Sammi Davis      Jezebel

Amanda De Cadenet   Diana

Jamie Kennedy     Randy

Valeria Golino      Athena

Jennifer Beals      Angela

David Proval      Sigfried

Lawrence Bender    Long Hair Yuppie Scum

Antonio Banderas    Man

Tamlyn Tomita      Wife

Lana McKissack    Daughter

Danny Verduzco    Son

Patricia Vonne Rodriguez  Corpse

Quentin Tarantino    Chester

Paul Calderon      Norman

Bruce Willis      Leo

MAIN TITLES

As presentation credits begin, we hear Johnny Cash's "Home of the Blues." Then we see Allison's name, under it Alex's, under that Robert's, under that Quentin's, then under that the title logo for Four Rooms, followed by "Starring Tim Roth as the Bellboy." Then "The Guests" listed in alphabetical order of all the actors playing guests. After the actors' names, we...

FADE UP ON A WALL

The camera pans down a weathered wall covered with postcards from Miami Beach, Florida, the Copacabana, N.Y.C., "Wish You Were Here" from Niagara Falls, rickshaws and babes on beaches, etc...

The camera comes to rest on an old photograph of a 1930s hotel, the "Mon Signor," in its heyday, with a full staff of 30 people posed on the lawn in front.

An old guy with a staccato voice delivers a monologue:

VOICE-OVER

There used to be a staff of fifty in this place. I'm the only one left from those days. It all comes down to one sap: the night-shift bellhop, that's me. What the hell is a bellhop? You know where the name comes from?

(silence)

Of course not... It's so simple it's stupid. They ring a bell and you hop. You hop to front and center. No heroes in this line, kid. Just men doing a job. No questions asked, none answered. I try to keep it simple, kid, not too personal...

Another voice of a young man interrupts.

TED

You met any of those old stars?

THE OLD GUY

Stars! Are you kidding me? I took Rin Tin Tin out for a shit, for Christ's sakes. I taught Shirley Temple how to roller-skate. I saw Fatty Arbuckle regurgitate three cheese sandwiches right on the spot you're sitting, kid. What did you say your name was?

TED

Ted.

THE OLD GUY

Ted, right. I remember Marilyn used to come down at night and doze off in the kitchen. She liked the sound of the fans out back spinning around. Sure, these were stars, kid. Errol Flynn used to call me "Alibi." You'll pick up a few stories yourself, kid.

TED

I don't think so, not like yours.

THE OLD GUY

What do you think a star does when he goes to the bathroom, kid?

TED

Beats me.

THE OLD GUY

He pulls his pants down and takes a crap just like you and me. Take my word for it.

A wisp of smoke passes over a napkin pinned to the wall with a lip print on it signed "Marilyn." The camera pulls back to reveal Ted and the Old Guy sitting on a foldout cot in a small back room of the Hotel Mon Signor. The old man is dressed in a striped T-shirt with a bellhop's cap on. He looks like an old pirate. Next to him on the bed sits Ted, a young guy with a bellhop jacket draped over his knees. The old bellhop takes a long drag off a big cigar.

THE OLD GUY

Camacho!

TED

Who?

THE OLD GUY

The cigar. Cuban. A good cigar, wrapped in Miami. I get a box of them every Christmas from the chairman of the board. I think he sends them to me to keep my mouth shut. It's tough not to get a little personal in this business.

The old bellhop takes a hit off his cigar and stares down at his cap, lost in thought.

TED

What do you mean?

The old guy passes the cap over to Ted.

THE OLD GUY

Put it on.

Ted puts the cap on.

THE OLD GUY

Frankly, you look stupid... like the Philip Morris guy. I can't believe I wore that thing for fifty years. You keep it.

The Old Guy gets up from the bed and throws a jacket on. Pulls a few postcards off the wall, throws them in an old straw suitcase, and slams the lid down. He heads for the door. Ted follows.

THE OLD GUY

Stay away from night clerks, kids, hookers, and marital disputes.

The Old Guy pauses for a second and looks Ted dead in the eye.

THE OLD GUY

Never have sex with the clientele.

TED

No way, not me. You got any other advice.

THE OLD GUY

Always get a tip.

The door slams shut on the back room.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – TWILIGHT

The big empty lobby of the Mon Signor. You can tell that at one point this used to be a swank place. It still is, kinda. It's also kinda decrepit. The concierge – a snappy, fast-talking, red-haired young woman in a blue blazer named Betty – stands behind the reception desk. The old man, suitcase in hand, makes a beeline through the lobby, heading toward the front door. Betty sees him.

BETTY

Sam! Hey, Sam, wait a minute!

The Old Guy stops in his tracks and turns around.

THE OLD GUY

What?

Betty comes from behind the desk.

BETTY

I just want to say good-bye.

THE OLD GUY

Who are you?

BETTY

Uhhh, Betty. The concierge. Your boss.

The Old Guy squints his eyes at the young gal.

THE OLD GUY

Oh yeah. Gotta light, sister? Goddam cigar went out.

BETTY

Yeah, sure.

She speaks to the Old Guy as she lights his cigar and he puffs away.

BETTY

I just want you to know, from the owner and all the staff, your fifty years of service have been an inspiration to us all. You're a legend in your own time, and the Mon Signor will never be the –

THE OLD GUY

Just forward my cigars, Red.

(he turns around the walks out, saying over his shoulder)

Aufwiedersehen!

Betty is left standing in the lobby. Ted appears behind her in his bellbody uniform, sans cap.

TED

Sam the bellboy. Now there was a man.

BETTY

Yeah. Oh, hi, Teddy. Ready to start the night shift?

TED

Yeah.

BETTY

Well, let me buy you a drink.

TED

You wanna buy me a drink? I'm starting my shift.

BETTY

You're not an alcoholic, are you; one drink won't kill you.

TED

Yeah, sure.

They walk out of frame. In the empty frame we...

SUPER: "NEW YEAR'S EVE 7:00 P.M."

INT. BACK ROOM – NIGHT

Betty and Ted sit in the back room, both with drinks in their hand. This dialogue is to be delivered rapid fire, Howard Hawks style.

BETTY

After fifty years, Sam retires, and you're taking over the night shift.

TED

Correct.

BETTY

You're filling some mighty big shoes.

TED

Oh, I know.

BETTY

Sam was a legend in the hotel business.

TED

Oh, I know...

BETTY

A bellhop's bellhop.

TED

An inspiration to us all.

BETTY

He ran the night desk for fifty years, all by himself.

TED

An amazing man.

BETTY

No desk clerk. No night man. No help. Just fuckin' Sam, and his wits.

TED

A man alone.

BETTY

And you're gonna do the same.

TED

I know.

BETTY

Tonight.

Ted spews his drink.

TED

Tonight!

BETTY

Yes, tonight.

TED

I can't.

BETTY

Yes, you can.

TED

No, I can't. I never worked the night shift before.

BETTY

Oh night shift – smight shift.

TED

We were supposed to work it together.

BETTY

I know, but I can't.

TED

Why not?

BETTY

I'm having a New Year's Eve party.

TED

Since when?

BETTY

Actually, I'm not having it. My roommate is. And there's this guy. German guy. He's gonna be there. And so am I.

TED

I can't run this place by myself.

BETTY

Oh, sure ya can.

TED

No, I can't.

BETTY

Sam ran this place by himself for fifty years.

TED

Yeah, and he had fifty years of fuckin' practice, too. I haven't had a day.

BETTY

Look, Teddy, calm down –

TED

 – Don't call me Teddy.

BETTY

Ted, the night's cake. It's easy. The day's when it's busy. During the night there's nothing to do.

TED

It's New Year's Eve.

BETTY

Which'll make it less busy than normal. Ever worked on Christmas? Unless you sell turkeys, business is dead. You just got butterflies, that's all.

TED

What I have ain't butterflies. I can't handle this hotel all by myself.

Betty slows the scene down.

BETTY

Okay, let's calm down a minute. Slow it down, cool it off. Let's just talk.

TED

You can say any goddamn thing you want –

BETTY

 – Ted? I thought we were calming down? I thought we were cooling off? No hostility. Say good-bye to hostility. We're just talking.

TED

Okay... okay... okay... I'm calm, I'm cool, let's talk.

BETTY

Ted, in a nutshell, all you have to do is hold the fort. It's New Year's Eve. Most of the guests are going out. You'll just be giving them a little nod as they come staggering in at three... four... five... in the morning. Nobody's having any parties, a few get-togethers, but no parties. You got about three people checking in tonight, that's it. The only variable is Chester Rush in the penthouse.

TED

Chester Rush? The guy from The Wacky Detective?

BETTY

Yeah, him and his entourage checked in last night. They're in the penthouse. The only reason I refer to it as a variable is that he's a movie star. Ya never know about movie stars. I'm tellin' ya, Ted, it's cake.

Betty takes a piece of paper and writes her number down.

BETTY

(continuing)

And look, if you have any problems, call me at the party.

Ted thinks about it for a moment.

TED

Okay.

BETTY

Great –

TED

 – For fifty bucks.

BETTY

Fifty bucks!

TED

You're shirking your duties for this Nazi. For that you pay a price, and the price is fifty bucks.

BETTY

One, Horst is not a Nazi. Two, that's not a fair price. You're taking advantage of the situation. Twenty bucks. Now, twenty bucks is a fair price.

TED

Yeah, but what you're doin' to me ain't fair. And, you are completely and totally taking advantage of me and your position. So fifty bucks is the perfect price.

Betty begrudgingly digs in her purse.

BETTY

Okay, but don't be a pussy. You don't bother me unless it's an emergency. In fact, for fifty bucks, you better not call me unless the fuckin' building's burning down.

She gives him the money.

BETTY

Get ready to take the desk.

Betty leaves.

Ted sits in the chair, takes another drink, and prepares himself for the night.

FADE TO BLACK

STORY TITLE CARD:

"ROOM 321

STRANGE BREW"

FADE IN:

EXT. THE MON SIGNOR HOTEL – DUSK

Ted, the bellboy, meets his first guest of the evening, as a taxi unloads her luggage. To his warm surprise, the guest is a Beautiful Mediterranean Goddess (actually, we will come to see she is not technically a goddess, but a High Priestess). She is about 25 years old, speaks with an Italian accent and is dressed in Gypsy garb. She is Athena.

Ted takes Athena's luggage onto his cart. But one item in a woven Moroccan bag proves to be unbearably heavy. Athena is concerned as he attempts to lift it.

ATHENA

Pleeze be careful – my God. You have no idea...

Ted strains as he uses all his cojones to lift the insanely heavy bag onto the cart. Athena tips the cab driver, stingily. The driver winces and gets in the cab. Ted has now managed with grunts and groans and strained blood vessels to put this thing on the cart. The cab skids away. Athena looks at Ted, who is out of breath.

ATHENA

I'm usually a good tipper, but this one – this cab driver – he had green all around him. I don't like that in a man.

Ted wheezes and pounds on his chest.

TED

Green? Is that bad? Like you read auras or something like that?

ATHENA

Something like that.

TED

Yeah, well what color are you seein' around me... how's the tip lookin?

ATHENA

I see purple... in your face, and...

As if she can't help herself, Athena's eyes are strangely drawn to his crotch. She frowns, confused by this impulse. Ted appears to be charmingly oblivious.

Athena looks back into his face.

ATHENA

... you're okay.

Ted touches his face – as if searching for the "purple" in it – and moves the cart inside, discreetly checking out his crotch and giving her a confused side glance.

INT. FRONT DESK – DUSK

Ted shifts hats to check the girl in. He checks her reservation.

ATHENA

Athena Z.

TED

(scratching his head – weird name, okay)

You're booked in the Honeymoon Suite – just one night? With all this luggage?

ATHENA

I will only need to stay till sunrise.

TED

Okay... and how will you be paying?

ATHENA

With gold.

He looks at this wacky Gypsy chick numbly – she pulls out her Gold Card and smiles.

EXT. ELEVATOR – DUSK

The doors open and Ted and Athena emerge upon the third floor. Ted follows Athena with the cart down the hallway to her room.

AT THE HONEYMOON SUITE DOOR

Ted opens the door, then lifts the easiest bags first. In the center of the room is a Jacuzzi with hokey plastic cupids poised with urns on each side. A dormant fireplace looms beyond the still hot tub.

Ted stares at the heavy bag with anxiety – then looks in front of him to Athena as she rubs the round plastic head of a little Cupid and mumbles, "Perfect." Then, arms open wide, chin lifted to heaven, eyes closed, she mumbles a faint incantation. Then she does a belly-dance wiggle and turns to Ted, who is truly perplexed.

ATHENA

Well – the other bag – I need it.

TED

Right.

He starts to lift it, again straining and turning purple. He laughs sickly.

TED

What the hell you got in here, lady? Nuclear weapons?

She relieves him of the task and effortlessly picks up the bag.

ATHENA

(dryly)

The White Cliffs of Dover.

Ted is stunned as she slings the bag over her shoulder and pauses to pull a 10 spot out of her cleavage. She hands it to him. Ted is grateful and disoriented.

ATHENA

The others will be coming soon. Send them, pleeze.

Ted nods, confused by "the others," and walks off with the cart. Then he turns from outside the doorway.

TED

Oh – I forgot to show you how to turn on the Jacuzzi.

But Athena is ahead of him – she flips a switch and water begins to flow from the baby cupids' urns into the hot tub.

ATHENA

I been in dis' place many New Year's. So... you send the others to me, huh. Go now.

As she says this, the door closes with a strange force, shutting Ted out. Athena takes the bag to the bedroom of the suite.

IN THE SUITE BEDROOM

A round bed with pink tuck'n'roll headboard. It's impossible to imagine having an orgasm in this room – unless it were achieved by laughing.

Athena carefully removes a large, beautiful white slab of stone from her tapestry bag. She caresses it and carries it like a baby to the bed and places it in the very center, the head of the rock resting on dusty heart-shaped pillows.

Then she removes from her bag a pink negligee and matching high-heeled slippers. And these she places with reverance on the bed.

ATHENA

On this night, oh great goddess Diana, we restore your virgin flesh and bring you back to real life.

CLOSE ON the rock slab. We hold the artifact.

ATHENA

Soon – I take you to the pond for a cleansing. Well, it's a swimming pool, but it will be under the setting sun, okay?